


All I'll Ever Be is Partly Settled In

by lakenpeter



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, F/F, I'll add more tags if I need to, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, X-men Inspired, alana's a telepath, connor controls earth and earthquakes and stuff, i guess ???, i'm clueless y'all this is my first fanfic on this site, jared has electricity powers, just like the basic stuff for the deh fandom ya know?, so evan's got plant powers y'all, the parents are all human/normal because i say so, zoe has water/ice powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 20:58:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12117117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lakenpeter/pseuds/lakenpeter
Summary: "Evan doesn't know what the future will entail, especially since he doesn't imagine himself being there for it."oranother superpower au - inspired by x-men universe, meaning the kids are all mutants





	All I'll Ever Be is Partly Settled In

**Author's Note:**

> the first few chapters will be purely backstory before we get to the story and plot an all that. this story is from evan's perspective, so you'll only get backstory from the other characters if evan is told/finds out. 
> 
> this fanfic is inspired by an AU that i made on my tumblr ( my username on there is abundantlyartistic ). if you want more details on this AU go check out the post i made there
> 
> i'm gonna leave a chart thing of what different plants represent at the end
> 
> thanks for checking this out !!!

Evan is screwed. He can already sense his impending doom as he stops running when he reaches a seemingly abandoned park. He falls to his knees, heaving from how far he's run. Once he is able to look behind him, he sees a trail of the plants that have grown due to his panicked thoughts.

Throughout Evan's time in school so far, he's been able to stay in the back ground. The only friend he's ever had was Jared, and he had been forced to hang out with Evan before he went off to some fancy boarding school. 

It's not as if Evan doesn't want friends, he does, but he knows that if he were to try to create any kind of bond with another kid at his school, they would see him for what he was. A freak. So he stays away. He tries to ignore the fungi that sprout from his feelings of loneliness. No one needs to know about his powers except his mom.

Evan tries his best to keep his focus on his academics. He figures if he just treats school as a work environment and ignores all social aspects, then he'll be fine. However, group projects make that much more difficult. He's able to keep his calm around the students he's working with, and is fairly successful, but when the presentation arrives, everything goes to shit.

Evan is meant to speak last, which means several minutes of waiting for the panic that was once dormant to explode. Evan tries to focus all his energy on staying calm, but then his thoughts start to stray from staying calm to 'why can't I be calm oh my god I can't dothiswhatiswrongwithmeohmygod-'

A single christmas rose peeks out from the carpet beside Evan's feet, and this is the beginning of the end. Evan moves quickly to stamp his foot over the single flower, but this only brings more attention to him as most of the classroom trains their eyes on him, and suddenly, all hell breaks loose. Christmas roses begin to sprout all around him, and are soon joined by peonies when he sees the horrified looks of his peers. 

Evan freezes for a moment, then bolts out of the classroom. He doesn't know where he's going, but he doesn't care as long as he can get away from there. He doesn't hear the panicked shouts from behind him or see the concerned faces as he passes the other classrooms. It's almost as if the world has gone fuzzy. His brain is screaming and he can't focus on anything else because, 'oh my god I need to get out of here I fucked up I've ruined everything they're gonna lock me up and I'll never see mom again and what if they arrest mom because she kept me secret oh my god fuckshitohmygodletmeout-'

The situation is far from ideal, to put it lightly. Evan notices himself quickly approcahing the front doors of the school and he pushes them open, sprinting down the front steps. He stops for a moment, before running down the sidewalk. He doesn't know where to go, but he can't stay here, that's for sure. 

That's how he winds up at the park. He barely has the energy to practically drag himself to one of the nearby trees. Since he doesn't have the energy to climb the tree, he slumps against the base of it. He finally has the chance to try to calm down.

His attempts at this are expectedly unsuccessful because everyone knows. 'Your life is over, Evan. You might as well just throw yourself out of this tree now because there's no point in attempting to hide it. You're a freak. Why couldn't you just be normal for once? This wouldn't have happened if you weren't such a goddamn messthisisallyourfault-'  
Evan's downward spiral is cut off by the sound of his cheap cellphone going off in his back pocket. He shifts his position to retrieve it from his pocket, and sees that his mother is calling. He shakily lifts a finger to answer the incoming call. "M-mom?"

"Oh, sweetie, you finally answered! What happened? I got a call from the school..."

Evan tries to suppress his urge to sob. "Mom, I- I'm s-so sorry, this is all m-my f-fault," he hiccups as tears rolled down his cheeks. He hasn't been paying attention to the plants that were growing around him, but as soon as he does, he knows it's really bad. The thing that sticks out the most is what he recognizes as love-lies-bleeding, which hasn't made an appearance since his dad drove away all those years ago.

He hears his mom sigh, before quietly asking, "Honey, just tell me where you are, I'll come pick you up." 

Evan is able to give her his location and hang up the phone before he watches his surroundings slowly fade to black and the plants around him steadily stop growing.

**Author's Note:**

> fungi - lonelieness  
> christmas rose - anxiety  
> peony - shame  
> love-lies-bleeding - hopelessness


End file.
